To continue on the theme of my last post, I am hoping this year is the year I make a change in my life. So far though, I haven't quite got the concept down. For instance, today when I got home, I found that my husband had bought three boxes of assorted junk food. Rather than ignore the Ding Dongs, Twinkies, and other snack cakes, I had one of each with a big glass of milk. The question is: WHY? I am beginning to believe that I have a food addiction. How much of this is exacerbated by the PCOS, I'm not sure. I only know that the two are combining to slowly kill me. I've watched all the shows: "The Biggest Loser", "Dr. Oz", TLC specials on obesity, and my newest favorite, "Heavy" on A&E. They all tell me the same thing, I am on my way to an early grave. Diabetes and heart disease are in my future. If someone was pointing a loaded gun at me, and I had the opportunity to get out of the line of fire, would I not run like hell? Who in their right mind would stand there and let the bullet take them down? And yet here I am, day after day, choosing to load more ammunition in the gun.
There has to be more to life than this.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
Words Go Here
Okay, so I started a blog just now. Should "blog" be capitalized? I don't know.
I want to change my life. Such a simple statement, but it means a lot. I have to change something soon because the way I am living is killing me. Wow, it sounds like I am into something really dangerous like a heroin addiction or murder for hire. No, in fact I am very ordinary. I have a husband and a daughter who seem to love me, a job that I don't hate, and I should be happy. But I'm not. If I am really honest with myself, I'm pretty miserable. And here is where it gets confusing. See, I have had a weight problem since I hit puberty. Before then, I was skinny as a rail. After years of packing on the pounds and being plagued with acne into my twenties, I finally found out why. I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). Google it, I'll wait.
So, PCOS has been the bane of my existence for over twenty years. Even before I knew what it was, I knew there was something wrong. I did lots of research when I was trying to get pregnant seven years ago. After I had already diagnosed myself, I went to the doctor. He assured me, "I can get you pregnant." Which made me think I should probably ask my husband first. I was lucky. I got pregnant on my second round of Clomid . Fast forward three years and nine months later. I have a beautiful almost three-year-old daughter who is the best thing that has ever happened in my life. I feel like I should just say "Thank you, God" and not complain. But...
I am at the highest weight I have ever been. 285 lbs. It's depressing to type that number. Something has to change. And now we are back to the confusing part. Will losing weight make me happy? Am I overweight because I am depressed or is it the other way around? PCOS is going to make it very difficult to accomplish my goals. It has made everything more difficult for my entire adult life. I'll write more about the anxiety and depression later. Suffice it to say that it's going to be a long road, and I intend to document it here.
B
I want to change my life. Such a simple statement, but it means a lot. I have to change something soon because the way I am living is killing me. Wow, it sounds like I am into something really dangerous like a heroin addiction or murder for hire. No, in fact I am very ordinary. I have a husband and a daughter who seem to love me, a job that I don't hate, and I should be happy. But I'm not. If I am really honest with myself, I'm pretty miserable. And here is where it gets confusing. See, I have had a weight problem since I hit puberty. Before then, I was skinny as a rail. After years of packing on the pounds and being plagued with acne into my twenties, I finally found out why. I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). Google it, I'll wait.
So, PCOS has been the bane of my existence for over twenty years. Even before I knew what it was, I knew there was something wrong. I did lots of research when I was trying to get pregnant seven years ago. After I had already diagnosed myself, I went to the doctor. He assured me, "I can get you pregnant." Which made me think I should probably ask my husband first. I was lucky. I got pregnant on my second round of Clomid . Fast forward three years and nine months later. I have a beautiful almost three-year-old daughter who is the best thing that has ever happened in my life. I feel like I should just say "Thank you, God" and not complain. But...
I am at the highest weight I have ever been. 285 lbs. It's depressing to type that number. Something has to change. And now we are back to the confusing part. Will losing weight make me happy? Am I overweight because I am depressed or is it the other way around? PCOS is going to make it very difficult to accomplish my goals. It has made everything more difficult for my entire adult life. I'll write more about the anxiety and depression later. Suffice it to say that it's going to be a long road, and I intend to document it here.
B
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