Words Go Here

Okay, so I started a blog just now. Should "blog" be capitalized? I don't know.

I want to change my life. Such a simple statement, but it means a lot. I have to change something soon because the way I am living is killing me. Wow, it sounds like I am into something really dangerous like a heroin addiction or murder for hire. No, in fact I am very ordinary. I have a husband and a daughter who seem to love me, a job that I don't hate, and I should be happy. But I'm not. If I am really honest with myself, I'm pretty miserable. And here is where it gets confusing. See, I have had a weight problem since I hit puberty. Before then, I was skinny as a rail. After years of packing on the pounds and being plagued with acne into my twenties, I finally found out why. I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). Google it, I'll wait.

So, PCOS has been the bane of my existence for over twenty years. Even before I knew what it was, I knew there was something wrong. I did lots of research when I was trying to get pregnant seven years ago. After I had already diagnosed myself, I went to the doctor. He assured me, "I can get you pregnant." Which made me think I should probably ask my husband first. I was lucky. I got pregnant on my second round of Clomid . Fast forward three years and nine months later. I have a beautiful almost three-year-old daughter who is the best thing that has ever happened in my life. I feel like I should just say "Thank you, God" and not complain. But...

I am at the highest weight I have ever been. 285 lbs. It's depressing to type that number. Something has to change. And now we are back to the confusing part. Will losing weight make me happy? Am I overweight because I am depressed or is it the other way around? PCOS is going to make it very difficult to accomplish my goals. It has made everything more difficult for my entire adult life. I'll write more about the anxiety and depression later. Suffice it to say that it's going to be a long road, and I intend to document it here.

B